I am Karan from Olympia, WA.
Almost every other name used here is a pseodonym pseudonim pseudonymn alias.
The rest of it is true - mostly - and all of it is my own.
Don't even think about taking any of it, unless of course, you want to pay me.
Random Wisdom: Chance favors the prepared mind - Louis Pasteur
The counter says that 2846345 have been flummelized, but I personally think it's all a big lie.
OMG YES! - 
Surprise! The second half sucked too - maybe even more than the first half!
Just to save you all the time it will take to read another lengthy review, let me just say that the earth was saved.
You know that I can’t just leave it at that don’t you?
I’d like to state clearly here that science had no part in the writing of this “sci-fi” slop. The writing made no sense. It has basis in reality. It was fully nonsensical. It was stupid. And....even knowing this, I watched part II. I’m bad and I deserve the head shaking that abounded during the viewing and the finger shaking in my general direction after it was over.
Go ahead. Shake and point.
As predicted, the neurotic-grandparent-who-just-happens-to-be-a-man-this-time died. Dropped dead but not until he delivered a heart-rending I’ll keep an eye on you from heaven speech to those two-grieving-kids who were obviously hired because they have mastered the look-pathetic-and-cry act.
I wanted to smack both of them...and I don’t mean with my lips.
The rest of it I got wrong but only because I chose instead to indulge in highly speculative sarcasm.
Anyway, there just happened to be an asshole-seeking-redemption on site with the two-grieving-kids who some how figured out where the two-grieving-kids were supposed to go to meet their astrophysicist/dad. But alas, he delivered them too late to say good-by because...yes, the astrophysicist/dad had been blasted into space because he was the only person on earth who could figure out how to construct a lego-mobile on the moon.
Along for the ride to the moon, which somehow only took about 15 minutes (I’m guessing that the writers didn’t get a chance to see Apollo 13), was a Russian-cosmonaut-space-jockey who was there because he alone could read the pictures on all the rocket buttons and a woman who served as the NASA-connection-astronaut...you know just to make it all that more believable. And...are you ready for this? The Nobel-Prize-ready-German-scientist! And...just for extra drama, this rocket to the moon was considered a suicide mission! If only.
Knowing that, just before the rocket to the moon took off, the Nobel-Prize-ready-German-scientist married his needy-and-newly-pregnant-fiancé which in this movie was sure to spell his certain doom and it did.
But before the Nobel-Prize-ready-German-scientist died, the astrophysicist/dad built his lego-mobile, hooked up the Christmas lights and got into the rocket taxi home with the Russian-cosmonaut-space-jockey-who-knows-the-buttons-guy and watched the Nobel-Prize-ready-German-scientist and the NASA-connection from some sort of remote already set up in the moonish abyss where that big chunk of brown dwarf was lodged.
Long story short...too late for that…
The Nobel-Prize-ready-German-scientist and the NASA-connection-astronaut (who knew she was on a suicide mission) flew into that abyss to set up a gps tracking station. While there she she fell off of some ledge and screamed like a fat lady on the Tower of Terror. Big baby.
The Nobel-Prize-ready-German-scientist played big hero and saved the earth by plugging in an eveready battery to the gps navigation system which ended up blowing the moon in two. But first he wrote his name in the lunar dust and the Russian-cosmonaut-space-jockey and astrophysicist/dad blast off in their rocket taxi and headed for home.
Oh and one more thing about that stupid on-the-moon sequence....the little rocket they sent to blow up the chunk of brown dwarf....had a long extension cord on it...just like our outside Christmas lights when I was a little girl. It looked just like one of those remote control on a wire planes you can buy from a mall kiosk at Christmas time.
I’m sorry I keep using the word stupid but my motto is that when you find a word that works well...go for it.
Anyway...the moon cracks up and moves into a new elliptical orbit and the earth is saved and new moonlit nights feature a cracked up view.
Like I said. Really really stupid.
If you haven’t had enough...in two weeks a new disaster movie is promised, this time called Meteor: Path to Destruction (NBC July 12). I am certain that I’ll be watching.
Gotta love summer programming!!
or not
No Karan...how do you really feel?
Impact is a new TV mini-series on ABC which started its first episode last Sunday. During the first two hours, we meet a not-really-so-smart-sounding-blonde-scientist just before a big-old-brown-dwarf-remnant-carrying-asteroid kabooms into the moon and knocks it into some crazy sort of orbit and then nobody is worried for five minutes, then the moon goes into an elongated elliptical orbit, a descriptive term that stumps the dumber-than-dirt-president of the United States.
Slight break away here....Leonard and were stunned that the writers, after showing the dumber-than-dirt-president a graphic of this new elliptical orbit thought it necessary to have him ask the not-really-so-smart-sounding-blonde just what is an elliptical orbit, and say something like hey not-really-so-smart-sounding-blonde-scientist, I’m no scientist, (obviously he’s only a stupid politician), explain to me just what is an elliptical orbit. And she tells him when she could have just said look at the picture stupid boy.
Now that is spot on high-tech writing. Not really - but give me a break. At first I was shocked that they’d dumb down the president so much - but the truth is that we just lived through 8 years with the biggest idiot in history sitting in the Oval Office swivel chair so the stupid act seems believable.
OK...so back to the first two hours of this mini-series. The moon starts moving toward the earth and trouble starts...the tides go whack and there are baseball stopping electrical discharges. Oh no! Then everybody calms down and the world gets used to seeing that big old moon sitting in their backyards.
Then it happens again but the tidal flooding gets worse and the electrical discharging discharges more and the moon seems even closer. And again, the scientists are stumped, the president remains stupid, a Nobel-Prize-ready-German-scientist-who-is-always-doing-his-job finds a big-old-brown-dwarf-remnant that matches a hunk of the same stuff embedded in the moon. Whoa! They’re magnetically attracted to each other! Things lighten up and everybody calms down and enjoys a closer view of the moon.
Then, electrical service gets disconnected in great big bands of disconnected electrical zones around the earth, the tides wipe out coastlines and gravity seems to be making people lighter and floatier. Everybody gets warned that this might be dangerous, yet German trains and French bistros remain in service and the dumber-than-dirt-president has yet to grow a brain cell.
OH....I forgot to tell you, there is the standard, astrophysicist-widower-with-two-grieving-kids-and-a-neurotic-grandparent-who-just-happens-to-be-a-man-this-time storyline that connects neatly into some faux sexual tension between the astrophysicist/dad and not-really-so-smart-sounding-blonde-scientist. OH and there’s a Nobel-Prize-ready-German-scientist-who-is-always-doing-his-job-instead-of-paying-attention-to-his needy-and-newly-pregnant-fiance-never-mind-that-he’s-busy-trying-to-save-the-world-while-working-with-the-astrophysicist/dad-and-not-really-so-smart-sounding-blonde-scientist subplot.
What would a disaster story without a couple of sloppily connected “human elements” be? There’s also a boorish-American-tourist-with-a-wad-of-cash thrown in there that I suspect is somehow going to be redeemed by using his last breath to save the needy-and-newly-pregnant-fiance. That’s just a guess.
Who cares?
OK...in a last ditch attempt to build concern and tension, the moon is getting closer so much so that JW’s are now going to start knocking on its door to deliver Watch Tower magazines. Life is getting tougher for earthlings. Stuff crashes, people float and oh my gosh...the smarties discover that the moon is actually going to hit the earth. The President and the not-really-so-smart-sounding-blonde-scientist look like they’re going to cry. Cue credits.
If you missed it, watch it Impact Me HERE. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
A cliff hanger my friends...one that doesn’t make me care if I need to book a flight to Mars or not. All of this review from the same person who reviewed some of the recent best movies in 140 characters or less.
I suspect that the earth and moon don’t even get close enough to kiss and that the neurotic-grandparent-who-just-happens-to-be-a-man-this-time meets a heroic death saving the two-grieving-kids. The Nobel-Prize-ready-German-scientist will finally give up his lifelong love of space for his his needy-and-newly-pregnant-fiance and they’ll move to Luxemborg try to learn the sort of German sounding Luxembourgish. Oh...and the astrophysicist/dad doesn’t hook up with the not-really-so-smart-sounding-blonde-scientist but instead with his hotty graduate student instead. Let’s just assume that the not-really-so-smart-sounding-blonde-scientist dies in deep space as she accompanies the spare big-old-brown-dwarf-remnant into deep space where the magnetic love between it and the big-old-brown-dwarf-remnant embedded in the moon pull the moon back into it’s standard orbit and all is saved....except that the dumber-than-dirt-president has absolutely no hope of getting smarter.
Again, who cares?
When it was over, I turned off the TV and woke Leonard up from his 90 minute nap and set the DVR to record the final episode because I am a lover of poorly-written-disaster-movies-lacking-in-basic-scientifc-principle and even though I know the earth isn’t going to be destroyed, I want to see how it ends.
You didn’t expect that last sentence did you?
Continuing on from yesterday....watch out for careless reveals…
Nicholas Cage plays smart guy who doesn’t really want to know but figures it all out. Great movie. Who knew?
An OK remake of the cult classic. Keanu Reeves plays a stilted Klaatu making presence of Gort not so necessary. Liked Knowing much better.
Poppy is the new Pollyanna. I can’t remember the end of the movie.
Everything that Happy-Go-Lucky is, this one ain’t. A family dredges up pain for a wedding. This must be what rehab is really like.
Loved the book, loved the movie.
Greece was pretty, but what was Meryl Streep thinking? Egad - this movie sucked.
I expected to not like this movie but I was wrong. Great characters, good, little known story, and a small amount of redemption all around.
Kiera Knightly plays a skinny woman of privilege with a fantastic wardrobe and huge wig collection. Except for that, I can’t remember.
Skynet meets 1984...big brother and spider eyes everywhere...so much like those two films that I guessed the villain in first ⅓ of the movie.
This is as caught up as I can get. Today I’m off to see My Life in Ruins because I need a chick flick.
In the spirit of Twitter, I’m going to review each of these movies we’ve watched for the last bunch of months in 140 characters or less...not counting the little rocket scale. In no particular order and some hand showing involved.
No surprise, I loved it. Basically history gets rewritten to allow for a whole new generation of movies. See it in IMAX format.
Hated book, loved Howard, McGregor and Hanks. Wordy, great setting but technically screwy, nebula explosion. Enough with the Illuminati.
Liam Nielsen starts as sappy ex-CIA type and becomes a major bad ass good guy trying to save daughter from sex slavery. Don’t cross him.
“Dementedly Delightful”. Coogan brings new meaning to the Hollywood stereotype. Soundtrack is killer including Rock Rock Me Sexy Jesus.
Dakota Fanning looks too much like Rej...distracting but a good movie. Book is better but I love Queen Latifah in anything. DVD worthy.
Musicologist finds assholes, love, lust and old songs in Appalachia. Lots of great music. Emmy Rossum shines bright.
Found on TV - stopped channel switching when I saw Björk. Crazy ass singer playing crazy ass blind woman. Great movie. I want soundtrack.
Karaoke brings ‘em together. Bunch of little stories melted together. Best story is relationship between Paul Giamatti and Andre Braugher.
Odd story about dead claymation character loving living claymation character. New story, not. I’m so over Tim Burton animating.
Another Aussie history lesson. Great costumes. Great pecs. Lots of cows.
Even though Brad Pitt is eye candy, F. Scott Fitzgerald does the story so much better. Good try and DVD worthy.
Complex characters. Hard ass nun takes on nasty man priest. Excellent acting on all parts. Reminded me not to be catholic.
Got kids? Rent it and eat popcorn. Foosa is a real animal.
On DVD. Great little mixup in Jane Austen’s story of the Bennett family’s trials in marrying off those girls. Very enjoyable!
Stupid little kid story with a bug-eyed gerbil and a not so likeable uncle. Predictable ending. Watch commercials for best parts.
Funny story about wacky people/wacky love. Loved Spain. Loved Penelope Cruz. Not so much Scarlett Johansson.
Dark story about academic trials and tribulations. So sad story of graduate student from China. Loved his passion, felt his pain.Stay tuned for round 2.
sorry Lester, I didn’t like it.
At.All.
